Love is a funny thing — that may be one of the most cliche and true statements known to humankind. One day, you’ll be walking around with butterflies flapping in your stomach. The next, you may feel confused by the smallest thing, say, a less-than-enthusiastic hello or a delayed text response.
I’ve been in love with the same person for over a decade (and counting!) and it’s as much a learning experience as it is a gift. And being in love is so much different than having love for someone. From the much-anticipated first dates to the years-long log of text messages, the way your love feels can change as you spend more time with a person. Growing up alongside someone is a beautiful experience. And while conversations and dates after 10 years may not have the same frenetic energy, sitting down to reminisce on the people you’ve been — together — is rare and something to cherish. But early on, it can be hard to identify the difference between love and lust, or love and infatuation. Trusting your gut is your strongest strategy, but what do you do when your heart is speaking louder than your head?
Ahead, you’ll find some of the signs you love someone (as well as signs that they might be feeling the same way about you).
Signs You’re Falling in Love
Falling in love can feel a bit like you’re losing your mind. Scientifically, there are a few things happening inside your body. According to the Harvard Gazette, part of what happens when you fall in love is you produce extra dopamine, which stimulates your pleasure centers. That, paired with a drop in serotonin levels, can result in obsessive feelings. Put it all together and you’ve got an equation for an urgent feeling of needing to be with someone.
Here are a few of the common signs that you’re falling in love.
Seriously. During the day, they’re on your mind. At night, they frequent your dreams. It’s tough to shake the thought of them.
Building a relationship is fun, but it’s also a lot of work. Think about it: You’re essentially on the way to getting to know someone almost as well as you know yourself. Maybe you finish each other’s sentences, maybe you know the answer to a question they’re asked even before they get a response out, or maybe you can recall their favorite meal even before your own.
In addition to thinking about them constantly, you’re also looking ahead — way ahead — and fantasizing about what your collective future could look like.
…so much so that it might be hard to fit in time with anyone else. This is a careful balance you’ll have to work out for yourself — don’t leave your friends and family behind to only spend time with your partner. But if you find yourself wanting to spend your free time with this person and want to celebrate all of the good moments with them first, then there’s a good chance this is more than just infatuation.
This is a huge one. It’s tough to put into words what feeling safe feels like, but it’ll manifest in a few different ways: You feel completely comfortable talking to them about anything, you show your true self without any hesitation, and they don’t push you into uncomfortable situations or positions.
…especially with your loved one. Whether it’s holding hands, sneaking kisses at the grocery store, or skipping a night out for a Netflix and Chill session, you can’t keep your hands off of each other.
This is the best part about being in love. You can’t stop smiling, you might find yourself acting kinder to others, and your overall vibe is brighter. You might even start dressing differently.
How to Tell Someone You’re Falling in Love with Them
This can be one of the most intimidating conversations to have. To make it easier on your brain, write out all of the reasons you love the person. Make sure to reference these things as you talk to them. But before anything else, set the scene. Tell your love that you want to have a serious conversation about your feelings for them. Make sure to give them some idea of what’s coming so they aren’t completely blindsided.
Have the conversation in person — there’s a lot of body language that goes into a talk like this. Covering such a large topic can be awkward over the phone, especially if they don’t reciprocate the feeling.
Falling Out of Love: Is It Possible?
Of course it is. Whether there was a catalyst for the stumble out of love (for example, an affair or an especially stressful life period) or just the simple fading of feelings, it does happen. And when it does, it’s more important than ever to communicate with your partner. Breaking up is far from the only option. Couples therapy can provide a safe space for sharing your feelings with a mediator. There are so many layers to a relationship to dig through, and sometimes it might feel like you fell out of love when really you’re seeking something else — like non-monogamy or a refresh for your sex life. Most importantly, it’s essential to talk to your partner instead of hiding your feelings.
